exhausted. drained.

It's been a really busy two weeks...
now then come blog.
well super busy lor
everyday very late come home de
first with leo the I&I
after that busy with pw.
then today i guess im resting haha
gotta start doing work le.
haiz.
lots to catch up on!

these 2 weeks ar
everyday damn late sleep leh
suuuper tired :(
chem lecture nvr survive awake before
today slept like around 30-40 mins LOL
on and off la
last 10 mins then awake and listen lols
but i could catch what was going on still la
thankfully
hahahaha
coz i woke up when cher ask us try a question
at the end of the lecture notes.
a very simple question la
can do la at least. im not totally lost.
i caught impt stuff k :P
tt's the gd thing about on and off sleeping :p
but then ar
maths lecture bad.
starting to sleep for maths lectures :(
seriously.
too tired la
esp coz is first few periods
i havent wake yet
after first few usu i can stay awake de
maths lecture thurs de is first period leh
sot ar
sure sleep ma
but maths worse than chem
i dunno what was taught.
erm ok la since it's mostly written there
but i didnt catch most of it
mr ang say the way mrs tan teach not very gd
coz not clear though
ying en veron they all listened
but also couldnt get it anyway -.-

haiz super tired!!!!
everytime so late come home le hor
and then want do work ma
and then will keep falling asleep at my desk.
lols. eyes auto shut down de lols
oh ya zhenyan told me a joke today.
she ask: what's the meaning of brain dead?
answer is: the left brain has nothing right
and the right brain has nothing left HAHA
well i found it funny hahahaha

ok talking about zhenyan
PW!
it sucks man.
i dunno where to start
i shall not describe la.
summary: nothing is going well.
im at a loas of how to continue.
i damn fail lor
the game i made dammmn fail
as a leader also so fail :(
haiz.
yepp tt's about it.

and my mum is seriously #)(%(@&%(*&$
haiz.
im like so super tired le leh
and she has to be like this.
so not understanding tsk.
she scolded me for coming home so late everyday
for these few weeks leh
wth lor
like i want la
i so late ar i ownself super tired
and not very catching up with work leh
make me want to try harder...
coz i scared.
im dropping again...
cant let that happen.
so though i come home late
and super tired
i still try to stay awake
fail la but still try ma
try to do as much work as i can...
and yet she said
i do so much work also nvr do well what
i was like speechless?!?!
wth
she so pro she go study la
always like tt
wan me do well
then this one cannot that one cannot.
wan do well need sacrifice a lot leh
yet she doesnt allow me to do anything.
go out study also might not let
wan so educational stuff or whatever also cannot
as long as need money or a lot of time etc
then cannot.
even if it helps.
ah whatever.

change change.

ms ang my new maths tutor!
our class combine with 29 and 31 ma
then band into 3 maths class.
ours is first one called "entusiastic"
SUPER dumb name HAHAHAHA
anyway
yea ms ang teach
coz we lagging behind quite a bit ma
so she's like bullet train now
DAMN fast...................
im not catching up well in my tutorials!
and there's so much more work to do...

this weekend.
tmr got csc talk at yishun jc.
need wake up so early!!!! :(
deprived of sleep le leh still like tt...
then need do...
chem benzenes tutorial
pw...EOM!!
and plan for written report liao :(
haiz. just the thought of pw irks me now.
maths...tutorial 21 and 20 poyo.
cll...hmm read up? nth much i think.
econs erm wait. got hw...errr oh ya
market structure issues tutorial ws...
csc well got shou ji from last term LOL
last term need 8 this semester need 10
total need 18 more term 2-4
but i only got like...3-4 now.
SO MUCH more to do.
but i have no inspiration at all..................
haha.

i shall try to be more cheerful nowadays hahaha
thurs ar
morning mum totally ruined my mood
before i left for sku
so i was in a dull mood
but as the day went on
i got better haha
mood improved.
i was all smiley and cheerful
all the way
until i got home.
and then it went to horrible.
it became worse than morning -.-
mum left harsh words behind
before she left with my dad go out
zzz gd. alone at home
can cry at ease
wanted to shout man
she's so unreasonable...
i've been working hard
and coming home late everyday
and draining myself
coz of sku
NOT PLAY
how can she scold me for no reason like tt...
ridiculous
but no matter what happens
she ALWAYS thinks she's right.
she always say i do wrong thing dun say sorry
but i have NVR heard her say a word of sorry...
NVR. seriously. not to me or dad anyway.
simeple reason.
she thinks she's ALWAYS right.
ah whatever.
i cant bring myself to burst her bubble...

now i shall just constantly tell myself
to smile and be happy :D:D:D:D
ignore her. haha...
wait for her go back normal
ignore all her hurting words...
i shall not hear them...listen but not hear...
i want to smile at every day
and start working.
and let jc pass soon.
and then hopefully get into a gd course in uni
and become an adult soon.
coz she told me im not yet 21
she still can interfere with me...

12/7

It's been so long since i've posted here, eh?
It's been long since mr ang posted on his blog too haha :D
guess everyone's busier, eh?

anyway
i had LOTS like LOTS to say
since it's been real long.
but now i shall just summarise hols part la.
well i did study.
but i slacked quite a bit too.
ok. quite a lot.
so. basically i was totally unprepared for the exams.
hence the results.

till now,
gotten back...
maths- 70%
chem-45%
cll-59%
yepp tt's about all...i think.
will get back econs and csc tmr
and gp on thursday.

well. haiz.
ok. econs.
i have no confidence of getting even 10%
seriously. or at most 15%. nothing more.
no exaggeration involved at all.
they dun quite believe me la.
but then.
cher's been going thru the essay answers these few days
haven finish but i looked at it already.
hence i know what i wrote and i know where i stand.
haiz.
i feel like saying some stuff
some usual stuff i would have said
but i noe i shouldnt
i have no right to anyway.
my fault totally.
i didnt prepare for econs.
almost totally didnt.
least i studied for was csc followed by econs.
well i studied first few chapters quite well though
esp elasticity.
i didnt touch GI at all
and everything about GI came out -.-
regret.

last tuesday talked to mr ang ma
and well of coz he was disappointed with my results
particularly maths.
many tot my score was not bad le
but im not satisfied with it either.
i lost a lot of marks that i did not have to.
a lot.
cher say mrs tan also disappointed wor :X
argh.
im really so sorry.
i failed myself too.
hence, i was so motivated that day haha.
this is the first time i felt so motivated...
and i got a feeling i will work hard this time.

and i did study that day
and for the rest of last week
i didnt even watch 宫心计 which was sth sort of must-watch de haha
last week i completed tutorials 16-18
and then i realised veron also finished tutorial 18.
argh cannot!!!
i must do more!!!

and then it was the weekends
haiz.
i dunno why but i was damn tired on sat
so i didnt do much work.
just did 2 csc articles and prepared for cll lesson
and a bit of maths
and then i fell asleep lols
i slacked thru the whole night man.
damn damn.
dad asked me go sing ma :X haha.
so i sang k at home for like 3 hrs -.-
lols.
then sunday
pw meeting.
we did work!
well we almost finished out storyboard
and i did almost half of the prototype of our game le.
used a lot anime elements
love it man :D
had been working on it this afternoon
before i come here post this too...
anyway then after that
my mum dun let me on com after dinner
so i couldnt continue doing...

she totally dun believe i will work hard leh.
tt is so demoralising.
she totally dun trust me
but i dun blame her la
coz i dun rly deserve her trust yet
to her la anyway
coz she always catch me slacking
she caught me watching show ytd lols.
but i was just resting a bit ma :X
she nvr sees me studying.
last week i study so much she everyday 11pm come home -.-
aiya anyway she totally dun believe me.

sunday night she took my ipod away to play
dun let me watch show ma.
then i felt so super guilty for slacking
so i did maths.
did tutorial 18 poyo and then read up on maths
finished reading parametric curve chapter
and then started on tutorial 19 lor
but i dunno how do some.
everytime i stuck on a question
i will keep thinking keep thinking.
and then usually i'll stop doing my work soon -.-
anyway then i do until 12+
mum scold le so i went sleep lor.

today school
ying en veron wanshan both watched world cup ytd sia
hahahaha then well they slept so little
poor thing :P
mr ang too HAHAHA
cher's beloved holland lost!
LOL
most people i asked is support spain de
so they were relatively happy haha
well shermaine also watched world cup ytd
and she loves holland apparently.
haha
awww its just world cup!
they will have another chance 4 yrs later HAHAHA
aiya at least get second ma! not bad le! :D
i nvr watched world cup o.O
if i had a chance i would actually
but my parents dun watch
so i nvr did.
i wont be allowed to stay up to watch it definitely
and i dunno any team so whatever
just listen to them talk about it haha
quite entertaining. :P

ahhhh anyway must work hard!!!
i MUST work hard!
today in school
i was talking to ying en
telling her i rly wanna mug liao.
i told her
i used to be in a science class
i used to be gd.
i used to be in top 10 even in science class
even in the top few classes.
i used to be in top 100 in school.
not very high position but at least always top 100 la.
now....haiz.
wth is this kind of results???
esp econs.....................
hence
i
have
to
buck
up.
i
know.
honestly.
i dun wan disappoint anyone again.
it felt really bad.
really bad.
but then.
ytd i was thinking.
now i study coz i know i should
i have to.
its like im forcing myself to study u know...
it doesnt help me to focus entirely at all
my brain easily drifts
ok. not really drift
just that i keep telling myself i must study :X
it will have effect still
but it wont have the best effect definitely.
best would be if im studying coz i like it
or just coz i want to.
more of a WANT then a MUST.
tt would be really gd.
i dunno what i should do too.
how should i achieve that?
anyone enlighten me? i'll think about it too...

PW.
our gpp havent exactly been approved
but cher say most probably can. no big prob
tt's y we started on it ma
now we're progressing rly well.
almost half done le leh
we're doing so great :D:D
haha im so happy la
BUT THEN
now got new individual task!
need do EoM sia
evaluation of materials
INDIVIDUAL!! ARGH :(
waste of time la
sure need spend so much time on it again.

and today got an email from sku.
econs lecture tt time also was mentioned
about elective programmes in term 3!!!!
so cool leh hahaha
i wan join!
i wanted join songwriting
but i realised need write melody.
i can't
so...forget it.
im considering about
"Entrepeneurial marketing"
"Get Connected"
and "Creative Problem Solving"
can put 2 choices and 1 will be selected.
well i think is creative problem solving
clashes with my lessons
dun think can skip lessons
so probably wont go for that.
but...
should i even apply?
i think it's interesting
and useful.
rly nice programmes.
but then.
would it be better to use the time on studying?
i have no idea...
haiz. have to consider.........